Friday, June 28, 2013

My Secure Connection

Why am I a christian? I am not a christian because I realized I needed a savior, even though I did. I am not a christian because I want to go to heaven, even though I do. I am not a christian because every one in my family is, even though they are. I do not love God because He first loved me, even though He did.  I am a Christian and love God for the same reason I married my husband, I choose to. I fell in love with who God is, His nature, His heart. 

This is not the story of my walk with God at first. I wanted to be a christian because I was afraid that if I didn't, I wouldn't go to heaven. Then came my the realization that if I was going to be a christian, I had to live "a certain kind of life". In my teen years I felt him wooing me to something deeper. I interpreted that in order to go deeper I needed to do things. So I did..... I sang in choir, went to church, attended many bible studies, went on mission trips and many retreats. I read my bible, but from the perspective of learning what I must DO to be a good Christian. 

Do do do do do...... Yeah, sounds like doodoo!!

I was hanging on to a rope (of religion) connecting me to God that started to unravel in my late 20s. I attended a weekend " retreat" where I began to start truly knowing the Person I had been " doing" all this stuff for.  The rope began to unravel very quickly from that moment on. As it unravelled, I began to unravel. I wanted more of Him! Yet, the message around me was just more of everything I had heard my whole life. I felt hopeless and afraid. I realized that after years of "being a christian" I had no hope, love, joy, peace...... I began to question if i even wanted to be a christian or ever go to church again!
I made a powerful choice in January 2010 that I was going after more. I was convinced I would find it or die trying! Then.....The One who was wooing me the whole time stepped in at that choice and met me where I was. It would take days to recount all the ways that my life has changed since then (feel free to read past posts), but I can say that I have hope, joy, love, peace, faith. In Him, I have found everything I was looking for and MORE!  I am so in love with and in awe of my Papa God! I choose Him!  I am now connected to Him through the rope of relationship! It is strong and SECURE!! It is MY SECURE CONNECTION!

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